Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Decided to blog because i think im in love. Yes, really.
I just had an ONEW<3 video marathon from 10 plus in the morning and it's the next day already. More than 15 hours of nonstop Onew action. Honestly never felt so strongly for any other idol before. I know this is really stupid, and even if i support Onew i shouldnt be so obsessive about it, but i just cant help it.
He is perfect. In every single way. In all the things he does. He outshines the rest of the SHINee members because he is down to earth, humorous, witty, clumsy in an adorable way and really really honest. Onew condition, anyone? While i may admire Key and Minho for their looks, personality and talent, there's just something about Onew that draws you to him.
Used to think that people who spend all their time and money on chasing idols are dumb, cause they'll never end up with them anyway. There are MILLIONS of fans, but only one Onew. Is he supposed to split himself into millions of tiny pieces for all the fans to have one part of him??
(If so, i want his smile. HAHA ><)
Given his millions of fangirls, the language barrier(though he knows some english), our different worlds, and the fact that such an awesome person would never choose me over the gorgeous, funny noonas he sees everyday, my chances of being with Onew are close to nil. Like 0.0000000000000000001 kind of close to nil. Even Lee Hyori was charmed by him in one of the variety shows i watched today.
Kept thinking of scenerios where we might meet, but that's just a waste of time.
It's not like im super rich or smth to book his schedule for an entire day for my bdae. It's a waste of time to have an Onew marathon on youtube and dailymotion and what not, because i could spend it doing more productive things. LIKE LEARNING KOREAN SO THAT WE DONT NEED TO BRING A TRANSLATOR ALONG ON OUR IMAGINARY DATES.
Or maybe some fairy will grant my wish and make him fall in love with me. He can be my soul mate, and we can dream of each other every night, meeting in the dreamworld when we cant do so in real life. Hey, then he can get to know me in our conversations there yeah?
I KNOW IT'S STUPID, BUT I CANT HELP IT.
BUT I CANT HELP THAT I LIKE ONEW.
Im actually tearing right now because i've been feeling so damned emotional since a few hours ago, when the fact that HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW I EXIST suddenly struck me particularly hard, even though i already knew it from before. I just see him laughing and having fun on all these variety shows, and i get really jealous of all the people around him. I listen closely to see if he laughs at some joke a girl made, and scrutinise his every move, like his votes for the different girl groups. Then i wish he's not so popular, not a singer at all, not so damned adorkable that he attracts fans wherever he goes. Then i wouldnt have known he existed, wouldnt have fallen in love with his personality and all the things he does, wouldnt feel the way im feeling right now.
Just saw a video of him gesturing to a fan for a few seconds during a concert, telling her not to cry. Many comments were about how he loves his fans, and how caring he is towards them. But dont you see? You'll never be worth more to him than a few seconds because he doesnt know you. And the chances are, he never will. You're just a face in the crowd, one of his many many fans. He doesnt know your name, he doesnt know your voice, he doesnt know your personality, and he'll forget your face when he blinks, wiping it from his memory. Fans queue for hours and hours to catch even a glimpse of him, and he just walks on by because he is a star, he cant devote his time to you alone. You cant even get close to him because of his manager/guards.
So im not going to buy his concert tickets if SHINee comes to Singapore, not going to spend my money on cups, posters, notebooks, pictures, necklaces, keychains and any other merchandise of him, even though i really want to. I would like nothing more than to stare at his face in the computer all day, watch cute videos of him doing weird stuff or just him being witty, but there's no point to it. There's no point in screaming myself hoarse at his concert because he's up there on the stage and there are so many others screaming along with me. All it accomplishes is add to the level of noise pollution.
I like Onew, but im gonna have to accept the fact that he doesnt even KNOW me. And he CANT get to know me because we have so many barriers separating us. And i cant even become a star to increase my chances of actually being able to talk to him, because my appearance just doesnt cut it. (I think that that's a really stupid reason for joining the entertainment industry btw.)
So this has got to stop. Haha, i actually wrote that i was going to cut myself off from him because it really hurts, but i erased the sentence that i just wrote because i cant bear it.
What i am going to do is just stop watching Onew videos, though im not going to stop myself from listening to their songs because i listen to other singers as well. So it would be unfair. But yes, no more videos. Just scared that i may replay the videos that i've already watched (some which were on repeat) in my head, BECAUSE I CANT UNSEE THEM. Not that i want to, but more of that i need to rid myself of this obsession.
I feel that it's alright liking SHINee and any other future idols that i may admire, but it really cant go overboard like Onew's. By watching so damned many episodes he appears in and all the cute youtube clips of him, im actually beginning to feel that i know him in person. This crush is real, as real as the ones i used to have on people in school or in tuition class, because the lines of reality and fantasy are beginning to blur. Except it's even more unattainable. Which is making me feel emo again haha but oh well.
I cant remember what else i wanted to say, but i will add it in when i remember. And i do realise that i sound like a rabid fangirl.
Bye.
OH yes, diet starts today.
Really bye this time. Nights. :)
1:27 AM
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
HAHAH OH YA!!
Was looking at this just now.
SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!! <3
10:22 PM
HELLO!! Long time no blog.
PRELIMS ARE OVERRRRRRR!!!!!!! not.
I have a make up maths test tmr. Didnt go cause of food poisoning LOL WHUT. ._.
:(
Slacking. Apparently arnd 50 days more till A lvls I AM DAMN UNPREPARED.
Yet im still looking through hamster forums and hamster adoption threads. D:
I WANNA ADOPT BUT CANT!!! D: Must wait until after A lvls. :(
Hehe white-faced robo + pudding!! 2 hamster breeds i really want.
But i also wanna adopt a guinea pig + bunny + pomeranian. D: HAHA for the doggy i can just keep on dreaming cause mummy cfm wont allow. D: The others maybe still can. >< (plead with papa a bit try try HAHAHA)
Then again i simply brought Puipui (the black campbell i adopted last year) and Nono (the sayfer i adopted middle of this year) back home without asking permission from either of my parents. LOL I KNOW NOT SUPPOSED TO BUT IT STILL WORKED!! :D
MWAHAHHAHAHA :D
Haha this happened last week.
Went to see the doc that day cause of food poisoning or blah.
Me: Papa, i gonna see doc now.
Papa: How much??
Me: Shui bian.
Papa takes $100 out.
Me: ?! So much?? Papa i going the clinic only, not hospital.
Papa takes money back, pulls out $50.
Me - REGRET. D:
Okay byes!!
10:11 PM
Monday, May 9, 2011
I edited this post. 100th post shouldnt be an angry one littered with four letter words. Bye.
11:41 PM
Why do you always have to do this?
Can you please please stop provoking mummy?
You're like a stranger to me now. Our families used to get along fine, remember? So why is it that you have changed so much?
Honestly, i cant begin to fathom what in your mind anymore.
What's wrong with you? Because you're really acting like someone suffering from a mental illness.
You're nice to me when we talk. You're nice to my bro when you two talk. But when it comes to mummy, it's like you're a totally different person.
You pick fights for no reason. You stare into our house, provoking mummy to look back at you. But she doesnt. And you get angry? What's wrong with you?
Please. Stop it.
11:17 PM
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Taylor Swift - Invisible
She can't see the way your eyes will light up when you smile
She never noticed how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me
And I just want to show you, she don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible, yeah
There's a fire inside of you that can't help but shine through
But she's never gonna see the light, no matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of meAnd everything that we could be
And I just want show you, she don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible
Like shadows in the faded light, oh, we're invisible
I just wanna open your eyes and make you realize
And I just want to show you, she don't even know you
Baby, let me love you, let me want you
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible, oh, yeah
She can't see the way your eyes will light up when you smile
Because im invisible to you.
1:30 AM
Monday, February 14, 2011
I GOT CAUGHT FOR SKIRT TODAYY!!!! D: SPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSP. TMR HAVE TO GO BUY A NEW ONE AND SURRENDER MY OLD ONE TO HER. $12.80 FOR ONE SKIRT LEI!! D: sian ttm. BUT HONESTLY, THE SKIRT WAS 4FINGERS ABOVE MY KNEES OKAY. STANDARD LENGTH. Suay ttm!!! Shall listen to zy next time and not take risks walking that dreaded path along the tb block!!! D:
So much for, "aiya wont so suay de."
(Everything that can possibly go wrong will go wrong. YOU'LL DO WELL TO REMEMBER THAT.)
RAWRRRRRR!!! D:
On the bright side, ........... ._. okay cant think of anything.
Buying school skirts =/= shopping!! D: no cannot must save money. D:
OH YA!!! IM GONNA SAVE 80% OF MY DAILY ALLOWANCE FROM NOW ON. BE A THRIFTY KID YAH. I kinda forgot i was supposed to save today. >< LOL. OKAY SHALL START FROM TMR HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WISH ME LUCK. :D
Lists of ways to cut down on spending:
NO SNACKS.
GET HOME EARLIER SO THAT PAPA CAN BUY MY SHARE OF THE FOOD INSTEAD SO THAT I DONT HAVE TO USE MY POCKET MONEY FOR DINNER.
EAT HOTDOG BUN EVERYDAY. LOL. Cai fan also can lahh. $2 a day for spending!!
NO MORE MACS/KFC WHATEVER.
BRING SPRITE TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY INSTEAD OF BUYING ICE LEMON TEA OR SMTH FROM THE DRINKS STALL. (Like what i did today!! :D at home still got damn a lot cause of CNY LOL.)
OMG I JUST THOUGHT OF MY FRIED FISH THICK BEE HOON. D: IT'S (almost) BEEN A WEEK!!! D: HOW. Okay one week once LOL. :D hehe.
K BYE.
8:26 PM
